Gain access to the throne and lead your trained soldiers through the world.

Seize leadership of the outlaw clans and unite them to conquer new territories.

Onli the govlinz will allou you to dizkover the zekretz behind elfik magik.

With the elfic magic in your hands, and its marcial power beneath you, there's only one thing left to do: save the world.

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Keep playing to discover this achievement

This relentless old man just won’t shut up about his grand uprising. You’re just trying to grow some damn carrots in peace.

Even though you and the castle lord hate each other, you’re still the life of the party—and that’s your ticket through the gates.

Good manners cost nothing.

The younger they are, the easier they are to train. It's just good business.

What color is Santiago’s white horse?

Never trust a lone cake. It might come with... explosive flavours.

There's nothing better than a top-tier ibérico ham. Everything else is just noise.

Tolls are only paid with one currency: a good ol' fashioned assault with weapons of mass destruction.

Pork and beef are fine, but you’re here for the exotic cuts of the highest quality.

Raiding villages is hard work. Someone’s gotta keep the criminals morale high.

Once, they were heroes, unbeatable warriors, and fearless leaders. Now? Just ghosts of the past that you’ve proven weak.

Food is sacred, even if it looks disgusting. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

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Missionary librarians work hard to preserve knowledge, and they deserve a day of celebration.

Every family has an Uncle Paco. Not every family manages to make him quit drinking. Military general by profession, therapist by accident.

Oblatio rite facta est. Potestas ignis renascent et cum studio clamat.

There’s never enough food. Every free moment is a great time to stuff your face with a turkey.

And don’t you come back. No more, no more, no more, NO MORE.

Jack seemed such a chill guy... until he stabbed you in the face.

Santa Claus found his way back to the North Pole, saving Christmas once and for all.

Christmas is for fools who can't handle real life. Santa? Just a decrepit old man clinging to relevance. Time to make way for a new king of winter.

The battle for the throne has begun. A vagabond versus a cripple—who will win?

Against all odds, you convinced an animal abuser to stop hitting his dog (by making him beat his soldiers instead).

No one loves animals like you do. Humans can rot, but a pup is sacred.

It’s always good to have a spirit in your debt.

All that fighting, just to back out at the last moment.

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Who wouldn’t love a first-century Goblin Baptistery?

Houses exist to be destroyed—taunting you with their well-maintained doors.

True happiness comes from hoarding enough properties to drive an entire neighborhood into poverty.

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Keep playing to discover this achievement

Keep playing to discover this achievement

Keep playing to discover this achievement

That’s what you get for insulting people.

The life of a hero is exhausting, it’s better to be mayor.

Who would’ve thought being an employee of Lil Zatan would be so beneficial?

You’re a troublemaker in class, and that’s why you got a warning.

Point to where the evil elf touched you on this doll.

WHAAAAAAAAT???

Grandma Carmen finally returns to the place where she belongs.

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Everyone knows 2+2 equals 22.

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It was clear they weren’t gonna be saints, they had to explode somewhere.

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The Goddess's cult feels very promising.

You’re so broke, a thief gave you money?

A forest fairy that speaks Spanish? Now that’s a fantasy.

Wherever dere be Bootz, Zokz muzt be too!

Daz right, Zokz! Ya worth way more zan dat elfy b*tch!

That kidnapped brat had to be useful for something.

The corruption (of others) is over; it's time to build a true political project (for personal enrichment).