Hole Your Horses: Champion Edition

HOLE YOUR HORSES is a single-player, comedy arcade game of horse-slinging action. It is a game about a fictional sport called Dressage where horses gracefully jump through equine cutouts. As a player, you will throw these horses through their routines in a 3rd person, tactical, ragdoll physics arcade game.

• 9 Special Horses to love
• 9 Unique Horses to master
• Online Leaderboards
• Laugh out loud gameplay
• Shockingly skill based
• No quarters required
• Original music

Horses have 4 legs, 2 eyes, and a Cronenbergian 8 chambered heart. These noble beasts have a soul, and are therefore capable of morality; of right and wrong. But if you don't want your relationship with your horse to go *wrong *it's important that you treat your horse right. Feed it apples once a day, brush its mane 100 times, and make sure it gets at least one hour of spinning too fast in the air before crashing violently to Earth.

Long ago, our ancestors lived in harmony with the mighty horse, like estranged brothers. They taught us their ways and traditions. We now keep those traditions alive with our equine friends. The ultimate competition - played today exactly how it was played in Ancient history - was, still is, and will ever be: Hole Your Horses.

Using your mouse, you will click on different parts of the horse. Dragging the mouse and then releasing will launch that part of the horse towards where you dragged. The further away you drag, the further the horse will be flung. As we all know, horses have a disembodied center of gravity. So don't forget that after you've launched your horse it will slowly be pulled back to where it started.

You will use your mouse to guide your horse through holes in the wall that approach you faster and faster. The holes will get smaller and farther apart as you pass through them. You don't have to make it through a hole cleanly, but think about how impressive it would be if you did. As long you stay within the pasture, you can keep playing.

"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space."

• Dr. Brand (Interstellar, 2014)

The bond between your horse is so strong that you can slow down time. When you hit the Space Bar, time will slow to a canter and your Horsepower gauge will begin to go down. You can use this slowed time to make smaller adjustments, give yourself more time to react to an incoming wall, or really build up some launch power on your Horse. But be careful. Once your gauge is depleted, you won't be able to use it again until it's refilled.

The goal of the game is simple: pass ten walls. If you manage to survive, then your reward is a beautiful trophy, an achievement, and a sense of accomplishment that has long eluded you. But will you let these trinkets distract you from true greatness? Or will you go even further? 11 walls? Or my god, 12?

Whoever told you Hole Your Horses was a friendly, relaxed sport lied to you. This is a cut throat business, and the only way to prove yourself is on top of the Leaderboards. The Global Leaderboard may be hard to crack, but at the very least try and beat your friends and then make fun of them. Victory is nearly yours.