You will pay $99.99 to be psychologically tortured by a sentient job application. You will learn to live, laugh, love until the walls bleed. You will become a succulent beverage.
Mysterious Fulfillment Complexes that turn humans into virtual products are being constructed NEAR YOU!
Features:
- Relatable phone-based interaction system.
- Immersive, simulated interactions in an enriching environment.
- A fully-expressive, consent based, dialogue system that provides you with a unique life-affirming personality.
Privileges:
- Multiple opportunities for violence-based stress relief.
- Performance-based promotional opportunities allow for varying experiences of finality and operational re-alignment.
- Advanced placement possible for skilled operators in a non-disclosed field (Security Clearance Required).
Minimum Qualifications:
- Must be able to read, quickly.
- Comfortable with phone-like human interfaces.
- Able to complete assigned tasks independently.
Preferred Qualifications:
- Motivated to solve problems and navigate systems without formal training or a clear directive.
- Resilient to psychologically-demanding scenarios without clear resolutions.
- Possesses a natural inclination for cathartic, violence-based problem-solving.
- Strong desire to generate Value.
- Tinnitus resistance.
- Morally flexible.
Important System Disclosures:
- Standard Break policy is in effect to maximize Operator Coherence.
- Occasional Service Outages may result in minor system instability.
- During outages, compliance with Secur Protocol will ensure you have a safe and predictable experience.
- Any fear you experience as part of this simulated program is valid and real.
- Genuine human interaction is not available at this time.
Disclaimers:
*Payment is required prior to engaging in this unique opportunity. Compensation for your participation cannot be provided in a traditional format, and will instead be delivered directly as Value.
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"The future of Capitalism is all about you swimming up a little straw when I suck on it."
Kotaku.gov
